“She starts to fight and I have no clarity of thought and lose my words.”

Rajeev was speaking non-stop about his wife Reena. He was clear in communication, his language was fine, yet he said he couldn’t retaliate when she fought. He kept on and on about how well she articulated, how she would use logic to point out his mistakes. “She is probably trained by her lawyer father,” he added with sarcasm.

Then I asked him about his own parents. He said that he came from a middle-class family. His father was a government officer and mother a house wife. He said his parents fought a great deal. His father would walk out or shout at his mother, using abusive language for her and her family members, he’d refer to her as a village fool, and often walked out.

Rajeev would feel bad for his mother, he would feel sad for the life she was leading. He was close to her. Without his asking, she knew his needs, he did not need to express what he felt to her in words.

He had never fought with his mother and he felt distanced and disconnected from his father. He hoped his relationship with his wife would be different. He was struggling to make the right changes.

So we started with an agreement that he would confront me during session and he would keep articulating his thoughts with me. He slowly started to express his true feelings and say what he wanted and didn’t want clearly to his wife. The journey was long but worthwhile.